all things must pass

It's been a weird few days for me. About a week ago, Nimitz a 10 year old, essentially orphaned, 10 year old Ridgeback came to Sweet Spot Farm for a little reprieve. He spent the last few years living with his owner, who had declined significantly health wise. When she died, there were four dogs and two cats in the home- the cats were more or less feral, while 3:4 dogs were beyond aggressive and not placed for adoption. Ironically, Nimitz was the owners dog that she had since puppy hood. When she died, he had no place to go and a neighbor kindly reached out to try to find a place for him.

So he went to a kennel for a few days- the kennel had indoor/outdoor runs, icy cold concrete and no bedding for a bag of bones that was emaciated. His stress was off the charts and when I met him he was wild eyed, panting and actively pulling away from me.

While we were seeing what the next move was - we thought moving him to the farm was our best shot at stress relief and something close to a normal life. We worked through anxiety howling and a little redecorating, GI blow outs, tape worms and maybe his first ever rib bone.

After 11 days at the Farm, I watched him stretch in the country sun, sniff the air and get as many butt scratches in as possible. However, with increasing medical complications and no place to go, his interim owner decided that the most humane thing to do was to euthanize him. I agreed.

Knowing the impending "doom", I was reminded of the heaviness of decisions like this. He spent the last of his days, snoozing on a dog bed, trotting around the pasture, even running a little agility.

He left he farm around 4pm today.

As the hours wore on I kept thinking, "is it NOW? this minute? Did "it" just happen? I wondered if the little ping of awareness I felt was somehow his way of letting me know he was at peace? Or if it was just the story I was telling myself.

Who knows.

That guy left his mark on my heart.